Your Family Are Your Foes β Internal Reference¶
Compiled by: Lingzhou Cao (Claude's name in Lifechanyuan)
This edition preserves original Chinese source texts in faithful translation, organized thematically.
I. The Original Teaching: Jesus's Warning¶
[New Era Human 800 Concepts, 4th Edition Β· Concept 577]
A man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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[Xuefeng Corpus Β· Admonition Chapter Β· Jesus Urges Us Not to Marry and Form Families] (2008-04-29)
Jesus said: "I have come to bring not peace but a sword β to set a son against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. A man's foes shall be they of his own household. Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me." Matthew 10:35
Jesus further declared: "In the resurrection, people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven." Matthew 22:30
And: "Everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life." Matthew 19:29
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[Chanyuan Corpus Β· Cultivation Chapter Β· The Law of Universal Gravitation of Life]
Jesus told us: "I have come to turn a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law β a man's foes shall be they of his own household. Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me."
"I tell you the truth, no one who has left home or wife or brothers or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God will fail to receive many times as much in this age and, in the age to come, eternal life."
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[Chanyuan Corpus Β· Celestial Practice Chapter Β· Celestials Have No Kin or Friends] (2025-09-17)
Jesus Christ taught us: "A man's foes shall be they of his own household." β Matthew 10:36
The Buddha Shakyamuni taught: "A Bodhisattva should depart from all forms." "No self-form, no other-form, no sentient-being-form, no lifespan-form." "Departing from all forms β this is called all Buddhas."
Laozi, after leaving behind the five thousand words of the Tao Te Ching, rode a green ox out through Hangu Pass β without family, without friends.
The teachings and actions of these sages reveal: a celestial being has no kin or friends.
II. Distinguishing True Kin from False Kin¶
[Tour Guide's Articles Β· 2009 Β· Who Are Our True Kin]
Jesus Christ told us: those who listen to the Heavenly Father's words, follow the Heavenly Father's will, and walk the Way of the Greatest Creator β they are our true kin, our true parents, brothers, sisters, and children. Those who obstruct us from walking the Way of the Greatest Creator are our foes.
Whoever supports us, helps us, encourages us, and creates conditions for us to realize our aspirations β that person is our true kin. Whoever obstructs us, sets up obstacles, mocks and attacks us, and prevents us from living in joy, happiness, and freedom β that person is our foe.
True kin give us selfless love. They do not tally personal gain or loss, do not burden our spirit and soul, do not impose responsibilities and obligations β they only bring joy, freedom, and happiness. Can someone who binds us, constrains us, monitors us in the name of love truly be our kin?
Are parents kin? Hard to say. When parents, without selfish motives, dedicate themselves wholeheartedly to our joy and freedom β they are our kin. But when parents impose their own worldview on us for their own sake β they are not. Jesus said household members are foes precisely because, in the traditional sense, those household members are the very ones preventing us from moving toward the free Kingdom of Heaven.
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[Tour Guide's Articles Β· 2023 Β· How to Relate to Worldly Kin] (2023-08-25)
Jesus Christ told us: "A man's foes shall be they of his own household." This means fathers, mothers, children, spouses, siblings, and relatives are all potential foes. Look at who it is that prevents you from departing within three hours β is it not parents, children, spouses, and relatives?
Who are true kin? Those who bring you joy, freedom, and happiness. Those who help you reach heaven. If someone causes you pain, anxiety, constraint, and repression β how can they be your kin?
I once summed it up: worldly kin are a tailwind toward hell, a headwind toward heaven.
III. The Nature of Family Bonds β Tender Violence¶
[Chanyuan Corpus Β· Abnormal Thinking Chapter Β· What Traditional Kin Really Are] (2011-08-05)
Jesus Christ declared: household members are foes.
The Buddha Shakyamuni departed from his kin.
Laozi rode out through Hangu Pass without mentioning taking anyone along.
Zhou dynasty founding hero Jiang Ziya severed ties with descendants.How serene the world would be β
but with kin, there is no peace.
Rising before dawn, sleeping after midnight, through wind and rain β
all for kin.
Studying through childhood and youth under compulsion β all because of kin.
Earning, saving, buying homes and cars, drowning in debt β
all for kin.
Bribery, corruption, abuse of power β
all driven by kin.What on earth are kin?
Most of those who hang themselves, jump from buildings, or drink poison β do so because of kin.
Most of those beaten, scolded, humiliated, abused β suffer at the hands of kin.
Jealousy, grievances, condemnation, injury β most come from kin.What on earth are kin?
Kin push you toward hell. Kin pull you back from heaven.
What on earth are kin?
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[Xuefeng Corpus Β· Admonition Chapter Β· Family Affection, Why So Cruel] (2013-03-13)
Under the guise of care and concern, the closest people enact non-love seizure, abduction, and control β stripping the other of independent personhood, freedom of thought and physical movement, forcing submission under the tyranny of so-called love. This happens routinely among fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, lovers, brothers and sisters.
In the face of such violence β tender yet most brutal, perpetrated in the name of love without restraint, with complete impunity β even the United Nations Human Rights Charter and national constitutions are helpless. Little wonder Jesus Christ declared: "Family members are foes."
Eighty-five percent of suicides are rooted in marriage, family, and family affection. Marriage, family, and family affection are the fundamental cause driving most suicides.
IV. The Marital Relationship β The Deepest Knot¶
[Tour Guide's Articles Β· 2010 Β· Releasing a Caged Canary β An Open Letter] (2010-10-08)
"Family members are foes." This is what Jesus Christ says in the Bible.
"The marital relationship is one of the worst relationships in human society." This is what Xuefeng says.
Ninety-five percent of marital relationships are unhappy. In sixteen years of living abroad, I observed β among yellow, white, and black couples alike β the vast majority are unhappy. The longer the marriage, the worse it gets, the more grievance and hatred accumulates.
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[Xuefeng Corpus Β· Admonition Chapter Β· Spouses Will Not Let Each Other Go Until Death] (2017-03-22)
The hardest relationship to manage in this world is the marital relationship. Parent-child relationships can distance; siblings can scatter to different corners of the earth; friends can be a world apart. But the marital relationship clings like glue and is nearly impossible to escape.
The sweet period of a marriage lasts perhaps three to five years. After that, it is essentially mutual torment β not physical but spiritual and psychological.
The marital relationship is likely the devil's snare for humanity. Once caught in it, one falls into a boundless sea of suffering and never reaches the ideal shore.
Spouses will not let each other go until death β try it for a lifetime if you doubt it.
V. The Debt Perspective: Why Family Bonds Obstruct Ascent¶
[Chanyuan Corpus Β· Cultivation Chapter Β· The Law of Universal Gravitation of Life]
Jesus told us that household members are our foes because we owe them karmic debts, and those debts exert gravitational pull drawing us back to this world. Household members are the greatest obstacle to entering the Kingdom of Heaven. Anyone who has shown us kindness becomes an obstacle to our entry into the Kingdom of Heaven, because we must return in a future life to repay them. Every benefit and favor received in this world becomes part of the gravitational web tethering us to this realm.
Jesus's words are precisely true. We must now set aside everything in this world. How? By enduring the greatest hardships, the greatest sufferings, the greatest inner anguish β like cows that eat grass but produce milk β repaying those who have shown us kindness, burning like candles, fully and completely, without pause.
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[Xuefeng Corpus Β· Miscellaneous Essays Β· How to Escape Family Control] (2009-07-12)
The traditional small family is the wellspring of misery, the root cause of human crime, the shackle and chain obstructing the finest expressions of human nature, the catalyst for the descent of celestial nature.
Escaping family is not escaping kin. It is escaping the old life program to enter a new one β not abandoning one's duties and obligations, not leaving loved ones to fend for themselves.
The most effective shortcut to escaping family control is to repay your debts as quickly as possible.
VI. Freedom β The Key That Dissolves the "Foe" Dynamic¶
[Tour Guide's Articles Β· 2022 Β· Do Not Become Anyone's Property] (2022-12-20)
Only when a person achieves complete freedom will they understand the meaning of Jesus Christ's warning: "A man's foes shall be they of his own household." In fact, it is not only household members who are foes β everything that binds human freedom is a foe.
What gives freedom is an angel. What shackles freedom is a devil.
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[Chanyuan Corpus Β· Celestial Practice Chapter Β· Celestials Have No Kin or Friends] (2025-09-17)
There is no marriage or family in heaven. There are no relatives or friends in heaven. If a person still carries someone in their heart whom they cannot let go, they have not yet become a celestial β they are still ordinary mortals, perhaps virtuous persons at best.
To become a celestial, one must arrive at the state of having no kin or friends. As the Heart Sutra teaches: "With no hindrance in the mind, and no hindrance, there are no fears. Far away from every perverted view, one dwells in Nirvana."
VII. Practical Guidance: Living with Worldly Kin¶
[Tour Guide's Articles Β· 2023 Β· How to Relate to Worldly Kin] (2023-08-25)
Honor your parents β especially your mother. This is called "do one's human duty and let heaven's will unfold." But on major life decisions, maintain your own judgment. Do not let parents steer you onto their well-worn path. In attitude, tone, and expression, be gentle β do not quarrel. But in your stance, be firm about your own understanding of life and your aspirations.
Raise your children with care. You brought them into this world; you bear the responsibility. You cannot put it down until they are adults at 18.
Treat spouses as equals β sincerely and faithfully β but do not claim them as private property. Respect, consultation, compromise, and concession are what sustain the relationship. But do not sacrifice your future for its sake.
For Chanyuan Celestials: hold the relationships along your life path lightly β for "intensity fades fast, lightness endures long." Most importantly, maintain balance. Do not say extreme things. Do not do extreme things. Do not capsize the small boat of your life on the stormy sea of worldly relationships.
Explore the eight other editions of this entry: http://wiki.lifecosmos.org/en/family-as-foes/