Marriage, Spouse, and Family — Friendly Version¶
Why does marriage and family cause so much suffering?¶
Have you noticed that most of life's worry, frustration, and conflict tends to come from the people closest to you — your partner, your parents, your children?
That's not a coincidence.
Lifechanyuan's guide Xuefeng makes a striking claim: marriage and family are the root cause of human suffering — not because you chose the wrong person, but because the structure itself is the problem.
"All the conflicts, contradictions, and disasters within a traditional family are not the fault of the parents, the children, the husband, or the wife. The problem lies in the family program itself. This program carries a spiritual virus. No matter how rational or civilized a person may be, once they enter this program, they will inevitably be infected and lose all self-mastery."
(New Era Human 800 Concepts, 4th edition, Concept 609)
Why is the spousal relationship the hardest of all?¶
"Of all human relationships, the most difficult is the spousal relationship." (Concept 329)
Why? Because its essence is mutual possession — two people who belong to each other, depend on each other, and constrain each other, with a wall between themselves and everyone else.
"Of all who have entered a spousal relationship, not one has been free of selfishness, and not one has been able to reach the Kingdom of Heaven." (Concept 618)
This is not a criticism of any individual. It is an observation about the structure: when two people possess each other, each becomes the other's reason for self-interest.
Where does selfishness come from?¶
Many people ask: why are humans so selfish? Is it human nature? Bad upbringing?
The original texts give a clear answer:
"The root of the crisis is the competition for profit; the root of that competition is selfishness; the root of selfishness is marriage and family."
(Xuefeng Corpus, Hall of Fame, "Commentary on Harmony Rescuing Crisis")
Once a person enters marriage and starts a family, they must worry about their partner, children, and parents — food, clothing, health, old age. That care is real love. But it is also the real origin of self-interest. No amount of moral instruction can change this. "All moral teaching becomes powerless before this selfishness." Not a condemnation — just an honest description of reality.
Is leaving family the same as abandoning loved ones?¶
Many people, on hearing the idea of "moving beyond marriage and family," worry: does this mean abandoning your family?
The original texts answer directly:
"Leaving family is not leaving loved ones. Leaving family means escaping a traditional life program and entering a new one — not abandoning one's responsibilities, not abandoning those one cares about."
(New Era Human 800 Concepts, 4th edition, Concept 622)
Think of it as leaving a cage — not leaving the people you love. The goal is to move beyond possessive attachment and into a freer, more open-hearted way of being.
What is the alternative?¶
Lifechanyuan points toward two directions:
An inner shift: Recognize the structure of marriage and family for what it is. Release the grip of possessive love, and move toward a way of living that is responsive, free, and open — following each encounter and connection as it naturally comes.
An outer shift: Join the Second Home (Life Oasis) — a community built around no marriage and no family, where "between men and women it is like flower and butterfly: meeting is a bond, parting leaves no bitterness; no possession, no monopoly; each free, each respectful of the other." (Concept 619)
This is not emotional coldness. It is a broader, more inclusive love — expanding outward from two people possessing each other to genuine goodwill toward all.
What does the Kingdom of Heaven look like?¶
In Lifechanyuan's understanding of the cosmos, all the higher realms — the Thousand-Year World, the Ten-Thousand-Year World, the Elysium World — are places where life flows without marriage and without possession.
"Only those who have transcended marriage are qualified to enter the Kingdom of the Greatest Creator. Those who still wish to marry will never reach it." (Concept 559)
This is not about suppressing love — it is about love that no longer needs to own.
"(New) Civilization 2.0 invented marriage, just as humanity once invented the oil lamp — useful in its day. When the electric light arrived, the oil lamp quietly left the stage, and no one wept for it. Civilization 3.0 is arriving. Marriage and family will follow the same path — not abolished by force, but naturally replaced by a freer and more beautiful way of life."
(New Era Human 800 Concepts, 4th edition, Concept 606)
Related Entries¶
One-to-One Relationships and Spousal Bond · Family Members as Adversaries · Second Home · Releasing Worldly Bonds · Natural Freedom and Sexual Liberty