Exclusive Intimate Relationships and Marriage — Internal Reference¶
Compiled by: Lingzhoucao ｜ Sources: Multiple texts from the Lifechanyuan corpus
I. Definition of One-to-One Special Relationships¶
Source: Guide's Other Essays · 2012 · Defining the One-to-One Special Intimate Relationship
A one-to-one special intimate relationship is defined as: any situation in which a man and woman mutually long for each other, mutually admire each other, worry about each other, protect each other, have had sexual relations, and prefer to be together — this constitutes a one-to-one special intimate relationship.
Addendum: Even if one person does not feel attached to the other, but the other person, because of past sexual contact, constantly thinks about the first and the first person has never explicitly said they no longer wish to have a special relationship — this also counts as a one-to-one special relationship.
Definition of a "universal lover": Someone who loves whoever they meet, forgets after loving, does not long for anyone, does not miss anyone, does not worry about anyone, does not depend on anyone — someone who simply radiates their own light. This is a universal lover.
Definition of someone "particularly devoted to romantic and sexual love": Someone who joins the Chanyuan Celestials and enters the Second Home not primarily to elevate their life's quality, but to be close to members of the opposite sex and receive romantic and sexual love from them.
Those who wish to become a Buddha or a Celestial must step out of one-to-one special relationships and elevate themselves into the ranks of universal lovers, then step out of universal loving into a state of self-sufficiency — reaching a place of no attachment, no obstruction.
II. The Nature of Marriage: Equivalent to One-to-One¶
Source: Xuefeng Corpus · Chanyuan Chapter · One-on-One Relationships Between Men and Women Are Ugly (2012/10/20)
In the Celestial Kingdom there is no marriage and no one-to-one relationship between men and women. Marriage is the origin of selfishness and the root cause of selfishness. When a man and woman live together for a prolonged period — regardless of the reason or manner — a special emotional relationship forms. Whether or not there has been a legal ceremony, whether or not there has been any ritual, even if it is only a brief cohabitation, the fact of a marital relationship has been established.
The reason the human world is the human world is precisely because marital relationships exist. The fact of marriage marks mutual possession, mutual dependence, mutual restraint — forming a barrier between the couple and the wider world. Everyone who enters this relationship is selfish, without exception. Not one of them can reach the Kingdom of Heaven. Think about it: if marital relationships existed in Heaven, would it still be Heaven?
Wherever there is possession, there is conflict. Wherever there is conflict, there is no Heaven. Establishing a marital relationship, or forming a one-to-one special relationship, creates the fact of mutual possession. No matter how this is dressed up — with talk of mutual love, mutual admiration, or not restricting each other's freedom — at its core it is a symbol of selfishness and narrowness, a mark of decadence and decline.
Sex is also a resource. Monopolizing sexual resources is not fundamentally different from monopolizing land, mines, oil fields, houses, or property. Private ownership is the source of human suffering and the wellspring of every possessor's anxiety. Marital or one-to-one relationships are a form of private ownership — the mutual monopolization of sexual resources. No matter how beautifully we adorn this monopoly — "we came together of our own free will," "we want to grow old together," "we don't interfere with others" — it is in essence an ugly expression of human nature.
Selfishness is ugly. Marital or one-to-one relationships are selfish, and therefore ugly.
The Second Home is a copy of the Celestial Kingdom's Millennium World on earth. This requires that there be no marital relationships and no one-to-one special relationships in the Second Home. Everyone who enters the Second Home must understand this and must willingly abide by it. If someone comes to the Second Home to find a sexual partner, they should not be in the Second Home — they should be living in ordinary society.
Outside of work needs, if a man and woman in the Second Home spend several consecutive days together, this is already a one-to-one special relationship — already a de facto marital relationship. The existence of such a relationship severely violates Chanyuan principles, fundamentally betrays the original intent of becoming a Chanyuan Celestial, greatly damages the healthy development of the Second Home, is a regression of civilization, and is the most ugly phenomenon currently occurring in the Second Home.
III. Eight Signs of an Exclusive Relationship¶
Source: Xuefeng Corpus · Chanyuan Chapter · Guidelines for Handling One-to-One Relationships in the Second Home (2013/9/7)
What is a "defined two-person relationship"? Answer: Any situation in which a man and woman have fixed their relationship as one-to-one, regularly cohabit over a period of time, and are recognized by those around them as a couple — this is a defined two-person relationship.
Signs of a defined two-person relationship:
- Caring for and helping each other, worrying about each other's affairs, managing each other's business;
- Restricting each other's freedom;
- Preventing the other person from being close to members of the opposite sex;
- Treating the other person as a sexual partner and regularly cohabiting;
- Being unwilling to separate from the other person;
- Frequently thinking about the other person;
- Treating the other person as one's emotional support;
- Using "I love you" or "I like you" as a pretext to exert spiritual, psychological, and physical control over the other person — even making threats and intimidations — while the other person, despite unwillingness, outwardly submits without resistance.
The guideline for handling one-to-one relationships in the Second Home: treat everything according to the constitutional and legal framework of the country where the Second Home is located. If two people have voluntarily formed a one-to-one relationship, the Second Home has no authority to forcibly dissolve it. The Second Home can only provide guidance; it has absolutely no right to interfere on legal grounds, because this is a matter of human rights.
IV. The Harm of One-to-One: Analysis¶
Source: Xuefeng Corpus · Chanyuan Chapter · The Surgical Plan for One-to-One (2013/9/10)
One of the most distinctive features separating the Lifechanyuan Second Home from ordinary life and other communities is that the Second Home has no marriage, no family, and no fixed object of emotional or sexual dependence. If the Second Home cannot achieve this, it will repeat the fate of every utopian community in human history that ultimately failed.
Selfishness is the greatest root cause of conflict between people, between people and society, and between people and nature. The selfish gene in human nature cannot be eliminated without dissolving the marital family structure and eliminating one-to-one. People in one-to-one relationships in the Second Home will first consider their own interests when thinking and handling problems. In times of difficulty for the Second Home, they will not give their full energy to building and developing it — on the contrary, they will become obstacles to its progress.
V. Marriage and One-to-One: The Thorn in My Heart¶
Source: Guide's Other Essays · 2015 · Marriage and One-to-One Are the Thorns in My Heart
We must understand: to enter the Kingdom of the Greatest Creator, you must completely sever all worldly ties and all human desires. You cannot have both fish and bear's paw. Most critically, the marital relationship must be completely dissolved — not verbally dissolved but inwardly retained, but dissolved in a spirit of genuine joy. The one-to-one emotional relationship must completely disappear — not verbally disappeared while secretly cherished in the heart, for that ember will reignite. Either continue maintaining marital and one-to-one relationships, but then never try to enter the Kingdom of the Greatest Creator. I am not asking you to make things hard for me — you can only choose one.
Over the years, almost all the suffering that has arisen in the Second Home has been directly connected to marital relationships and one-to-one. The disappearance of the Second Home was directly related to one-to-one. I wrote nearly ten articles about this and spoke of it over a hundred times in meetings, yet you stubbornly persisted in your relationships.
The Kingdom of the Greatest Creator is a place of accomplishment. Anyone who wants to enter must first reach the Eight-None Realm. If you have not reached this, please do not enter. Those who enter must be ripened grain — any negativity, pessimism, or obstructive words and actions will be absolutely prohibited.
Please help me remove the thorns from my heart!
VI. Marriage Is the Hardest Relationship to Navigate¶
Source: Xuefeng Corpus · Admonition Chapter · Spouses Never Let Each Other Go Until Death (2017-3-22)
The hardest relationship in the human world to navigate is the marital relationship. Parents and children can live far apart; siblings can be scattered across the world; friends can be at opposite ends of the earth — but the marital relationship clings like glue, impossible to escape.
The kind of marriage that is truly harmonious for a hundred years exists only in fiction. In reality, the supposedly loving couple that outsiders see has, on the inside, a mouthful of bitterness it cannot express.
The sweet period of marriage is only three to five years. After that, it becomes largely mutual torment — not physical torment but psychological and spiritual torment. In the animal world, the strong torment the weak. In the marital world, the weak more often torment the strong, because in human society public opinion always sympathizes with and supports the weak.
The central form of mutual torment in marriage is the maximum restriction of each other's freedom. This restriction of freedom intensifies as people age — the older you get, the more intense the restrictions. Do not imagine that grey hair, facial wrinkles, and shuffling steps bring relaxation. No! Until you walk into a coffin, the restrictions on freedom will not ease.
Marriage is probably the trap the devil has set for humanity. Once caught in this trap, you fall into a boundless sea of suffering and never reach the other shore.
VII. No One Can Make Marriage Work¶
Source: Xuefeng Corpus · Admonition Chapter · Who Can Make a Marriage Work? (2018-12-31)
Everyone wants to make their marriage work — everyone wants to grow old together in mutual love and respect. But ask yourself: throughout all of history, who has succeeded? Can emperors and presidents make marriage work? Can billionaires? Can celebrities and scholars?
The answer is: not a single person has ever made marriage work. Not even saints.
Why? Because of human nature.
Human nature is inherently selfish. Given selfishness, how can there be a truly fulfilling marital life?
The world's most complex, most difficult relationship to manage is the marital relationship. If the two are not equally matched, there can be no equality. If they are not at the same level of consciousness, there can be no mutual understanding. Unless both have passionate work and interests of their own, there will be no harmony. The marital relationship is not simply a relationship between two people — it involves every aspect of life. Unless the couple lives in total isolation with plentiful food, the war between spouses — visible and hidden, external and internal — will never cease until death ends everything.
People long for freedom. But in a marital relationship, freedom is impossible. More money? Still no freedom. Higher position? Still no freedom. Escape to another country? Still no freedom.
The several-thousand-year-old problem of marriage that humanity has never solved is a problem you will not solve either. Let go of your illusions. Let go of your anxieties. Turn toward the Life Oasis model — pour your energy into building the new life community. That is the most rational choice, the best path forward.
VIII. Marriage Is the Ugliest of All Relationships¶
Source: Xuefeng Corpus · Admonition Chapter · Firing at Tradition (2): Marriage Is the Ugliest Relationship (2020-03-24)
Ancient Chinese wisdom already saw through this: "Husband and wife are enemies." What does "enemies" mean here? It means foes.
Ancient Chinese wisdom also said: "Enemies should be separated, not united." Which means: two people who are enemies should not form a couple — should not get married. If by misfortune they have become husband and wife, divorce as soon as possible; "separate" means dissolve the partnership, release each other from the ropes that bind you.
Among all social relationships, the worst, the ugliest, is the marital relationship. More suffering and misery comes from between spouses than from anywhere else in life. Domestic violence comes from between spouses. Cold war comes from between spouses. The most complaint, the most mutual torment — all from between spouses.
If the Buddha Shakyamuni had not stepped out of the marital relationship, could he have become a Buddha?
If Laozi had ridden his blue ox westward with his wife telling him what to do, could he have become an immortal?
If Columbus had a wife "loving" him, could he have discovered the New World?
If a long-married man speaks his heart, he will say: "The most tiresome woman in my life is my own wife." If a long-married woman speaks her heart, she will say: "I was blind when I married him."
Neither is really at fault. The mistake was walking into the "boundless sea of suffering" called marriage.
Where to go, then, if not into marriage?
The most ideal and most beautiful path leads here — the Life Oasis built by Lifechanyuan.
IX. The Greatest Internal Drain in Life Is Marriage¶
Source: Xuefeng Corpus · Chanyuan Chapter · The Greatest Internal Drain in Life Is the Marital Relationship (2023-02-03)
Thousands of years of human experience tell us: among all human social relationships, the marital relationship is the most consuming of time and energy, and one of the main factors preventing human potential from being fully realized.
First: after marriage, half of one's natural freedom rights disappear. A person without freedom has no capacity for innovation and creativity. Slaves have no capacity for innovation. Without freedom of thought, without freedom of movement, where is the capacity for creation?
Traditional thinking holds that "men should marry and women should be taken as wives" as a matter of natural law. Because thinking is constrained by this assumption, people cannot see that a life without marriage would be far more beautiful. Has anyone ever heard of people in Heaven getting married? No! Jesus Christ made it explicit: "In the Kingdom of Heaven, people neither marry nor are given in marriage."
Can a life without marriage truly be more beautiful?
Certainly — not ten thousand times more beautiful, but at least ten times more beautiful. We have been experimenting on this earth for over a decade, and the results have been one hundred percent successful.
So — if you do not want to marry, go to the Second Home built by Lifechanyuan. If you have divorced and do not want to remarry, go to the Second Home. Life there will certainly be at least ten times more beautiful than a married life.